Almost Alive
by Fen Jien Ren
Summary: We never talk. We just have sex, and we never even kiss. We aren't lovers, but we make love. We make love without love... which sounded weird but made prefect sense in describing what we share.


**Almost Alive.**

The first day I met those sapphire eyes was the beginning of my misery, and tonight... I decided to end it. A night full of blood and pain, that's how it was. Although the pain was more on my side, I didn't mind, because it was just a passing feeling. I knew that in a few days, it would be completely gone with nothing to remind me that it happened. The way things were, rough and hard, there was no emotion involved but lust, but I knew better than to say that. I knew I felt something, and I knew what I felt.

I clawed at his back as he bit on my neck hard enough to draw blood as he forced himself to me for the first time without preparation. I wasn't a screamer, but I did when he tore me open. The pain that was supposed to cure me broke me even worse in less than a minute. I knew I was bleeding even in places that he did not sink his teeth in, because I could feel my body screaming, yelling at me why I was putting up with it.

He hoisted me up, making me wrap my legs around his hips, and smashed me against the wall. He let out a hiss when I gripped on his shoulders with my nails, and he continued to assault me against the freezing cement. If I didn't know better, I'd get worried about blowing a hole on the wall. He was that rough, I was in much pain, but it was just so good.

Throwing my head back when he moved back a little and decided to support me by himself, I felt him getting even more brutal and violent. He was growling and it filled my ears along the sound of muscles slapping. I moaned when I felt something spark inside me, he was hitting the good places, the right places. The sounds I hardly make always encouraged him to go even rougher and he never failed to blow my mind with each thrust.

Soon enough, he washed my walls with his semen, but everything was far from over. He pulled out of me with a groan, letting go of my legs so I could stand on my own. He moved down to my face, our difference in height made obvious as he slouched just to reach my ears. He whispered hotly, "Ride me."

I turned my face slowly, feeling his skeleton jaw scrape against my bare cheek, and closed my eyes as we slowly parted. He turned around and lied on the bed, his legs spread apart as he wrapped his fingers around his shaft. He threw his head back as he moaned and cussed, jerking himself, until he was again fully erect. He loved making a show, but not once did I mind being his audience.

I stalked to him, and once I was over him, I straddled his hips with my knees. I didn't mind going along his fantasies, I knew this was just for tonight because tomorrow... tomorrow he...

"Fuck!" he moaned as I slid myself down to him. I slightly bent over, planting my hands on his tones abs as I repositioned myself to a more comfortable posture. It was going to be my first time to take things as I will it, because he always hated it when he felt like I was forcing my rank again against him. First few movements were slow, and when I got used to the feeling, I sped up, knowing that it was what he was longing for. I knew he wanted to see me bounce up and down on him, wanted me to make sounds I'd only do for him, and most of all, he wanted to see me squirm in pain, while all I ever wanted was him. Alone.

He held my hips as I landed down on him, gripping and tearing my skin as he drove even deeper into me. He didn't ask me to cry, but I did because I couldn't believe I could take this much from one night. I already lost count with how many times he filled me, but it was more than enough to break the coldness I had for defense. He was seeing right through me not because I was bare of anything but my mask, but because he could see real tears flowing down with a face that was twisting with pain.

He twisted us around, the positions exchanged, and took control of everything again. He drove and drove and drove inside until I came at the same time that he did. He pulled out and licked his lips, perhaps finally satisfied with the activity we just did.

"You're still beautiful after sex." He said, brushing the dark strands of my hair from my face. He lied down beside me and propped a hand up to support his head, watching me all the while as I caught for my breath. Grimmjow always say things like this, but I knew he wasn't the one speaking but his penis just to have another night with me. He flashed that toothy grin and then sat back up, setting by the edge as he picked up the pieces of his uniform.

I gripped at the sheets and turned my back at him, hearing him shuffle while putting on his pants. He always did a ruckus when he leaves. We weren't in my room, but he leaves every time we're done. Frankly, I didn't want him to leave so I never watched him walk out that door. It makes me feel more like a slut that holds no value when I see his back retreating, but if I tell him to stay, it would appear as if we share something important. I am not denying my feelings, but at this point, it is unimportant.

When the sun rises, spreading its light all over Las Noches, we go back to our normal lives. I'd be Cuarta, and he'd be Sexta, an inferior being I'd never want to lay my eyes on. Tomorrow I'd be guarding that woman, and he'd be out there with that orange-haired shinigami he so obviously want to take as his.

I'd give up everything to be that shinigami.

**xxx**

Whenever he looked at me, I felt like I would melt. I never liked his eyes, but I loved them when they show something else than disgust. I knew he hated me, and that he had been using me for his own carnal desires, but whenever I hear his voice, which wasn't so often, I want to close my eyes and hear it more like a soothing musical piece. I knew a scream was definitely far from what I wanted to hear, but it was the closest that I could get... so why deny it?

I loved his green eyes when he looked at me when he only wanted to look at me and not because he was threatening me. I wanted him to see me, wanted him to know I exist but that only seemed to happen during this kind of nights. I didn't want him like this, because all that I wanted was for him to recognize me, but this was the only way he let me hold him. Even though I hated the sound that fills my ear every time we were together, I try to prolong it as much as I could. I wanted to be with him, but he wanted something else.

I knew I could stay afterwards, but I couldn't bear to look at him when I knew that this wasn't what I wanted for the both of us to be. I didn't want to see him naked because I knew that should come after a commitment which was something we didn't have. We never talk. We just have sex, and we never even kiss. We weren't lovers, but we make love. We make love without love... which sounded weird but made prefect sense in describing what we share.

Morning was near, I hadn't slept yet but I was fine. I few hours from now and we'd be back to being stupid idiots following a shingami. We would be dispatched and Ulquiorra would be back inside the suffocating chamber alone with that woman. How I hate that bitch. I hate the way he looked at him exactly how I wanted him to look at me. I couldn't understand what was with that woman that was so special besides her abilities, but I couldn't hate her so much. That woman didn't know what she was doing, didn't have any idea what she had that he could almost throw himself all over her.

I never wanted to see that. Shouldn't have watched him so closely when he was with her, and maybe I wouldn't be so hurt right now. I wanted him to look at me, that wasn't too much, but his whole world appeared only to be that woman. We fuck, yeah, sure... but we're both still men. I understood that because that was so undeniable. I knew that when things come to that, I was gonna fight a losing battle against that woman. Knowing that, I hated seeing them together so I would flee and find something that would take my mind away of him.

I found Kurosaki... and he was more than enough replacement for him.

* * *

**FEN:** I did this in one go, so understand my errors and the shortness of this fic. I so needed a break, but I didn't want to stop writing because I might not come back to it. Anyway, my classes are moved to June 15 due to a confirmed case of Influenza A(H1N1) at school so I've got plenty of time to type Our Greatest Secret, but I don't think I can finish it yet. I need more time, sorry.

Reviews will be loved. This is my first Bleach one shot by the way. :3

**ALMOST ALIVE:** I used this to describe their relationship. They love each other, but they're not together. Almost perfect. Almost alive. :)


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